Improve Your Vocabulary: Insults

We thought you might enjoy some insults that don't involve swearing ... clever ways of making your point, without going down to their level. Where known, the author of the insult has been included in brackets.

Tip: If you are serious about improving your vocabulary, then Troy and I highly recommend you try the popular vocabulary program, Ultimate Vocabulary. Click Ultimate Vocabulary for further information.*

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries. (Monty Python.)

It's been really average meeting you. (Possibly a quote from the TV series Minder?)

His mind is a muskeg* of mediocrity. (John Macnaughton.) *A muskeg is an American swamp or bog.

If only he'd wash his neck, I'd wring it. (John Sparrow.)

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? (Mark Twain.)

First in ability on the list of second rate men.

He is a sheep in sheep's clothing. (Winston Churchill.)

A modest little man with much to be modest about. (Winston Churchill.)

A face like a wedding cake left out in the rain.

He is very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head. (Margot Asquith.)

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool. (E. L. Godkin.)

If he were a horse, nobody would buy him; with that eye, no one could answer for his temper. (Walter Bagehot.)

A one-man slum.

One could drive a schooner* through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact. (David Houston.) *A schooner in this instance is a type of sailing ship.

A lamentably successful cross between a fox and a hog. (James Blaine.)

An ego like a raging tooth. (William Yeats.)

Pray you, stand farther from me. (Shakespeare.)

You stupid foul-mouthed grub. (Paul Keating.)

Bring a friend if you have one. (George Bernard Shaw.)

You had to stand in line to hate him. (Hedda Hopper.)

The biggest bug in the manure pile. (Elia Kazan.)

Vain as a peacock, and a czar to arrogance. (Matthew Breen.)

There but for the grace of God, goes God. (Winston Churchill.)

He had a face like a police identikit photograph. (Richard Baker.)

She has only two expressions — joy and indigestion. (Dorothy Parker.)

He is as ambitious as Lucifer, cold as a snake, and what he touches will not prosper. (Sam Houston.)

As wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy. (Dwight MacDonald.)

He is a self-made man, and worships his creator. (John Bright.)

I have seen better-looking faces on pirate flags.

An over-ripe banana, yellow outside, squishy in. (Reginald Paget.)

Shockingly mad, madder than ever, quite mad. (Horace Walpole.)

It's a pity the cannibals do not get hold of this man.

He had not a single redeeming defect. (Benjamin Disraeli.)

Everybody's second choice.

As I told you always, her beauty and her brain go not together. (Shakespeare.)

A shiver looking for a spine to run up. (Harold Wilson.)

The Prince of Piffle.

If I found her floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog. (Joan Rivers.)

A triumph of the embalmer's art. (Gore Vidal.)

He has the heart of a cucumber fried in snow. (Ninon de Lenclos.)

Go shake your ears! (Shakespeare.)

When you were quite a little boy somebody ought to have said "Hush" just once. (Mrs Patrick Cambell.)

She has only one fault. She is insufferable. (Napoleon Bonaparte.)

A semi-house-trained polecat. (Michael Foot.)

I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. (Shakespeare.)

If he were any dumber, he'd be a tree. (Barry Goldwater.)

Like the toad, ugly and venomous. (Shakespeare.)

*Troy and I recommend only products that we have tried and tested. These include Ultimate Vocabulary. We have agreed to receive a commission from some sales of Ultimate Vocabulary software because we are happy to endorse that software.


Last modified on Tuesday, 17 November 2015 10:09
English Language Skills (Denise)

English Language Skills (Denise)

I'm a syndicated puzzle writer, with 8 puzzle books to my name, including Word Searches for Dummies and Cracking Codes and Cryptograms for Dummies (with Mark Koltko-Rivera). I have a background in science and graphic design, and am a trained indexer. My favourite puzzles are cryptic crosswords. and my favourite books are murder mysteries and cookbooks. I am also a very keen knitter.

I write a blog all about puzzles, called Puzzling.

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